Financially independent and sweet-faced, she had several romances but the right man has been elusive.
She is at peace with her situation and figures that Singapore, a safe place with lots to do, supports the lifestyle of singles.
“It is a safe country. There is no need to marry to feel protected,” she reasons. “It’s also easy for anyone to get around to do things.”
Besides, she views Singapore as a “fusion society” combining the best of East and West for singletons. They do not really contend with parental pressure to marry, which can be prevalent in parts of Asia. Instead, there is a greater openness here to a person’s life choices.
Singlehood, marriage and fertility are perpetual issues in the life of the nation. This year, we have seen a fresh flurry of news about childless seniors, the baby drought and singles.
A quick look:
- Seven in 10 young Singaporeans feel it is not necessary to marry. But most still aspire to do so, according to an Institute of Policy Studies survey released in January.
- Fewer marriages were registered in 2023 after a surge in 2022 when pandemic curbs were lifted, according to the inaugural Family Trends Report published in July by the Ministry of Social and Family Development.
- Four-fifths of childless people aged 50 and above rated their well-being as being comparable with that of those who have children, because they had support from family, friends or both, said a National University of Singapore study published in The Journals Of Gerontology in April.
Those trends are not unalterably dark to the optimist in me. People still hope to get hitched. Pandemics delay but cannot vanquish love and marriage. Childless seniors find their own fulfilment.
I still think about a point that demographer Paul Cheung made years ago: It is easy to be single in Singapore.
“In the past, the desire for marriage was strengthened by societal sanctions. The sanctions are gone.
“So now, if marriage doesn’t come through, people think: Never mind,” Professor Cheung told me in 2008 when I met him for a story headlined: “The question is: Do people here value having children?” He was previously Singapore’s chief statistician and the Population Planning Unit’s director.
“The Singapore family has also changed. A single person can always be attached to another family.
“And the single person may take care of the nieces and nephews far better than the parents,” added Dr Cheung, now a Professor (Practice) at the Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy and director of its Asia Competitiveness Institute.
His words ring truer than ever now in a nation of steeply declining births.
A similar observation about societal sanctions circa 2024 was made by Dr Mathew Mathews, principal research fellow at the Institute of Policy Studies, when he said: “The stigma towards those who are unmarried has rapidly waned, which is a really good thing.”
Marriage is no longer seen as a required life goal in Singapore, he also told The Straits Times in a story about the rising share of singles and the great baby drought.
Ultimate aunts and uncles
Personally, marriage was a life quest until it wasn’t. One day, I realised that I would be as happy being single as being married.
I don’t remember when I had that epiphany. But there have been many days when I was grateful for my family, friends, career, church, health, finances and the free-spirited solo lifestyle in Singapore and beyond.
Significantly, my sister had invited me to live with her family for a long spell, though I have since moved out. We may be opposite in temperament but she is among my BFFs. Mostly, I loved my many roles as an aunt, whether as a bedtime storyteller and playmate or all-season adviser and financial contributor.
My single friends trundle little nieces and nephews into their cars for whole-day outings – Singapore’s tiny size makes it remarkably easy to connect families. They plan long-haul holidays for older ones.
These are the ultimate aunts and uncles. Call them “adjunct parents”, quipped my colleague, a former adjunct lecturer. Certainly, adjuncts experience the joy and purpose of teaching without outsized administrative loads – which is akin to single aunts and uncles in the orbit of a sibling’s loving family.
As Prof Cheung discerned, singles embedded in a family have full roles. They complete a family, much as it completes them. Like a puzzle, every piece counts.
Friends and solitude
It is never all roses, of course. When I chatted with singles of all ages to test the assumption that it is easy to be a single in Singapore, they tended to agree except for a huge gripe. It is tough for singles to buy a flat in pro-family land-scarce Singapore.
In this light, a 29-year-old colleague sees two options for singles in his age group: Live with parents or rent a place with friends. He can imagine himself a co-tenant with kindred spirits.
His circle of friends will likely savour the single life a little longer than earlier cohorts, he thinks. Poignantly, the pandemic resulted in lost years for young people. There is an illusion that time stood still so they think they are younger than they really are, he indicates, and the marrying age is still in the distance.
On a recent Friday evening, a friend and I ordered zi char at a Toa Payoh coffee shop. Around us were middle-aged singles eating alone, all with their silent narratives of the solitary life.
I cannot tell if singlehood is a burden for them, but my friend and I riffed about the overall ease of the unpartnered life in Singapore compared with China, for instance.
We talked about the merry matchmaking corner in Renmin Park in Shanghai that I once ventured into. I remember the wistful senior sitting alone on a footstool, a newcomer overwhelmed by the hubbub. He was looking for a bride for his 32-year-old son, who had assured him that he was fine.
“Impossible!” he told his son, as he recounted to me.
His parental pain may find an echo among concerned mums and dads in Singapore or elsewhere. But singles will always find a way, and the journey is less jagged in Singapore.
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