Building resilience in children: 10 ways for parents to support children
SINGAPORE – As part of the Youth Epidemiology and Resilience project, psychologists Kelly Lee and Danielle Seah wrote a booklet for parents on different aspects of resilience.
Raising A Resilient Child can be accessed online for free.
Resilience is the ability to cope despite adversity or stress. It is made up of a set of personality traits that buffers the negative effects of stress.
Research has found that good parenting is often the most significant factor for boosting resilience, according to the booklet.
Here are 10 domains of resilience, as well as suggestions from the booklet on what parents can do in each domain to support their children.
1. Emotional regulation: The ability to manage one’s and other people’s emotions.
Help your child identify emotions he or she feels and give him or her time to calm down. Listen to what the child says without judging.
It is important for parents to model appropriate emotional regulation themselves as their child is observing how they react to situations.
2. Personal control: Whether one believes one’s behaviour and emotions are within one’s control.
Emphasise responsibility for the child’s actions and explain the connection between misbehaviour and its consequences with examples.
3. Personal confidence/responsibility: The belief in one’s ability to deal with situations effectively.
Pay special attention when your child learns to do something new on his or her own, and encourage the child to talk about his or her strengths. Regardless of the outcome, praise the effort.
4. Flexibility: The ability to shift one’s response to different situations.
Introduce new rules or different ways of doing an activity that your child is familiar with. Encourage him or her to think of changes to make the activity more fun or challenging.
5. Perseverance: Persisting in the face of obstacles.
Let your child complete tasks on his or her own, while coaching along the way.
Add the word “yet” to your child’s complaints about not being able to do something and provide hope that he or she can do it with enough practice.
The learning process is just as important as the end goal. Remind your child that everyone struggles.
6. Optimism/positive self-image: Optimism is being hopeful about one’s future and a positive self-image refers to a healthy perception of one’s self.
Help your child understand that everyone has weaknesses and setbacks are temporary. Identify the child’s strengths and be specific in telling him or her what he or she did well in.
Encourage your child to feel proud of his or her accomplishments.
7. Positive coping: Coming up with strategies to manage stressful situations.
Teach your child problem-solving steps like stopping to think about a problem and possible solutions. Share personal experiences about how you overcame problems.
8. Humour/positive thinking: Having a positive and cheerful outlook on the world.
Be silly with your child at times and share jokes with him or her, although not about his or her weaknesses. Even when things go wrong, help your child to see the good in a situation.
9. Relationships/social support: Support from friends, family and significant others.
Spend quality time with your child without devices. Listen when he or she is talking, ask follow-up questions to show that he or she is being taken seriously, and share with him or her about your day.
10. Spirituality/faith: One’s connection to a higher being and/or the search for meaning and purpose in life. Spirituality can be explored outside of religion.
Be open to exploring your child’s thoughts and understand what is important in his or her life.
Expose the child to activities, like hiking or yoga, that may help him or her feel peaceful or calm, and help him or her to look beyond the immediate life by practising kindness or volunteerism.
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