As a 60-year-old female retiree who has never been married, I do not think it is easy to be single in Singapore (Fewer marriages? Perhaps because it’s easy to be single in Singapore, July 21). In the past, I had even thought of leaving Singapore to live somewhere that better embraces singles.
I was not subjected to any parental or peer pressure to marry. That is not to say I did not try.
I had hoped to marry at 28, have my first child at 30, have three children and three dogs. I even joined the then SDU, which matchmade graduates, to find a life partner. However, “Mr Right” remained elusive.
I agree that it is difficult for singles to qualify for suitable public housing in pro-family Singapore. In my house-hunting journey, I have spent more than $350,000 in rental expenses, utility and moving costs. In 18 years, I moved 13 times between properties I owned and rented.
The challenges of singlehood are more than just housing.
There is still some stigma in some social circles. People think I am a divorcee, a kept woman, a lesbian, a man-hater, or am too independent, when all I am is just single.
It is true that Singapore is safer than most other countries.
But being single means living life with a heightened security awareness. I train myself to be vigilant of my surroundings whenever I am out.
Married people have problems too. I know women who are just glorified housewives and others who put up with their cheating or abusive spouses. Others lead separate lives though married.
Singles have a different set of problems. The keys to surviving singlehood, I feel, are financial independence, mental strength and discipline, resourcefulness and preparedness, and connections (with community, family and animals).
With these, one does not really need to marry and can deal with the inevitable and whatever curveballs life throws.
Sure, there is no one to do the heavy lifting or clean the ceiling fan. Or wake me up during a fire evacuation. I almost always dine alone. I have dragged myself to the A&E at night. I think about dying alone in my home and not being discovered for weeks or months.
But I have learnt to be all right with all that.
Kim Say
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