If you want a high-flying career, don’t have kids – or instead, have six

If you want a high-flying career, don’t have kids – or instead, have six

*The either-or choice is a myth. Motherhood teaches you skills for the workplace. Use them effectively and you can have it all.*

https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/if-you-want-a-high-flying-career-dont-have-kids-or-instead-have-six

2025-05-03

By---Serene Ong is the founder of Phoenixus, a professional network for senior women leaders, co-founder of My Little Gems Preschool and Da Di Learning Studio, and a mother of six.

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Women in high-powered careers are often told: If you want to succeed, forgo having children or limit them to a “manageable” number. Two, at most. Just enough to tick the “family” box without derailing your ambitions. 

Any more and you risk being seen as distracted, stretched too thin or even uncommitted to your career. 

I’ve seen talented women struggle with this dilemma – bright, capable professionals who wonder if they should hold back on promotions because they are expecting a baby or hesitate to take on leadership roles for fear that their family commitments might be seen as a liability.

It is, perhaps, no wonder that Singapore’s birth rate is falling, prompting the Government to offer a slew of measures in the recent Budget in a bid to encourage couples to have large families. 

But let’s challenge the assumption that one’s career and family are opposing forces, each demanding a painful compromise. What if the skills in one sphere could amplify success in the other? 

I know it’s possible, because I’m living proof. 

I spent two decades building a career in the clinical research and healthcare logistics industry. Most recently, I was a vice-president and head of global sales operations at a multinational corporation before taking a career break in 2023 to start Phoenixus, a professional network for senior women leaders. 

I also have six children, aged eight to 20, with my husband, who runs a pre-school in Eunos, My Little Gems, which we co-founded 15 years ago. (And yes, in case you are wondering, the children are all ours – no adopted children or stepchildren, and no twins or triplets!) 

Not a compromise

Though we’ve always loved children, we’d never really set out to have six.

At 25, newly married and just starting out in business development, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I didn’t overthink it. I just embraced both career and motherhood as a natural progression. 

Over the years, we went with the flow and our family grew, one joyful bounty at a time. 

People often assume I must have made huge career sacrifices to have such a large family. I must have scaled back my ambitions, taken a back seat in leadership, or compromised on professional growth.

But I’ve found that the key isn’t choosing between career and family but integrating them in ways that make sense for me.

Many working parents take an approach of “compromising” when it comes to family.

This could be settling for fragmented moments – rushing home for bedtime, squeezing in weekend activities or feeling guilty about not being present enough.

Instead of constantly feeling torn, I’ve made intentional decisions that aligned my career with my family’s values. 

I co-founded My Little Gems while still working full-time in the healthcare industry. Our first four children were still young, and we wanted to create an educational environment that reflected our beliefs about learning and child development.

It wasn’t a full-time career shift, but it gave me a deeper connection to my children’s early years while still growing professionally.

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Integrating work and home

And it didn’t stop at the classroom gates. We integrated the lines between work and home. Since I rarely had time to prepare dinner during the working week, we had the pre-school cook prepare extra portions at lunch to eat later. 

As our children grew older, My Little Gems became a space for hands-on learning. They’ve helped out in the classrooms, sat in on management meetings and contributed to projects, from improving operations to shaping new ideas for the school. They have learnt how decisions are made, how values shape choices and how work can be purposeful.

I believe more working mums can go beyond grabbing fragmented moments with their children by bringing family into your purpose – share your work and let them see the values that drive you. Also, find overlaps, not trade-offs – intentionally design your days in ways that serve both your family and your career.

Integration doesn’t mean perfection. It means presence and making room for what matters – in the mess, the meals, the meetings and the memories. 

Now that my older children are teenagers, they’ve become involved in my latest venture, Phoenixus. They help with planning, hosting and even running our events. 

Admittedly, raising a big family like ours in Singapore isn’t cheap. Estimates from 2018 suggest that raising a single child here would cost between about $280,000 and $560,000, depending on household income. Multiply that by six, and the figures are dizzying.

But I chose to see my children as an investment of our love instead of a financial burden. 

Support was essential. For a short while, we had two live-in helpers until we started our pre-school. My extended family pitched in when they could, especially in the early years. My husband also became a more hands-on father. 

Together, he and my mother held the fort at home, especially when I had to travel for work. 

The children, too, have learnt to be independent and self-reliant. As pre-schoolers, they made their own beds, folded their laundry, helped with the baby and washed their dishes. 

Building transferable skills 

Instead of seeing motherhood and my corporate career as two opposing spheres, I saw that the skills I picked up as a mother could be transferred to the workplace. 

Forget executive training programmes – if you try to get six different personalities to align on a single goal, like getting out of the door on time for school, you’ll quickly refine your skills in crisis management, conflict resolution and emotional intelligence.

In the corporate world, we talk about “active listening” and “conflict resolution”. In my household, I practise these skills daily, and this has served me well in the corporate world. When tensions rise, I know how to read the dynamics, address concerns and steer the conversation towards resolution.

Once, I was leading a critical meeting with my regional sales leaders. We were under immense pressure, and all the leaders came to the table with their own agendas. Cultural nuances, language barriers and time-zone fatigue added to the friction. 

Many were speaking at each other, not with each other. It reminded me of dinner-table debates at home. In both settings, the key is not to silence the noise but to listen through it, identify what really matters and gently bring everyone back to a shared goal.

We ended the call not only with a renewed game plan but with a deeper sense of trust and cohesion.

This ability to read unspoken cues, hold emotional space and manage competing needs with empathy and clarity – all things I’ve honed as a mother – is what makes the difference between a good leader and a transformational one.

I’m far from alone. There are many inspiring businesswomen who have proven it is possible to rise through the ranks and raise a large family, challenging the outdated notion that one must choose between family and ambition. 

Take British fund manager Nicola Horlick, who built a successful career in fund management while bringing up six children. 

Closer to home, chief merchandise and marketing officer of Aeon Group Malaysia, Ms Low Ngai Yuen, is president of two non-governmental organisations and a mother of four children. 

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The courage to have it all

Women often ask me: “How did you have the courage to have a career and a big family?”

I don’t think of myself as being especially courageous, but as someone who simply kept going despite the doubts and struggles. 

There were moments of doubt, exhaustion and guilt – especially when I had to kiss my sleeping babies goodbye before going off on yet another business trip. 

But then one day, my elder son told me: “Mum, don’t ever stop pursuing your dreams. You’re an amazing role model for all of us, especially for my four sisters.” 

Those words made a big impact. He didn’t see the guilt I carried – he saw a mother who dared to dream, worked hard and set an example for her children.

I didn’t have everything figured out, and I still don’t. But I’ve learnt that motherhood doesn’t mean sacrificing ambition, and vice versa. 

You don’t have to choose between your family and career. You can have it all like I did – not in some flawless, perfect way, but in the messy, real and deeply fulfilling way that truly shapes you into the best version of yourself.

Serene Ong is the founder of Phoenixus, a professional network for senior women leaders, co-founder of My Little Gems Preschool and Da Di Learning Studio, and a mother of six.