You can mitigate the fear of death by finding meaning in life

You can mitigate the fear of death by finding meaning in life

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https://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/you-can-mitigate-the-fear-of-death-by-finding-meaning-in-life

2025-03-16

By---Jeffery Tan is the group general counsel of Jardine Cycle & Carriage, a member of the Jardine Matheson Group. He sits on several boards, including the charity Jardines Mindset, which focuses on mental health.

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As individuals enter their senior years, there is no avoiding thoughts of their own mortality. But in Asia, the topic of death is often met with fear, discomfort or an emphatic “Choy!” response as it is considered too inauspicious to even mention. However, approaching mortality with intentionality and meaning can profoundly enhance the quality of life in one’s later years.

The Singapore Department of Statistics and the World Population Report rank Singapore as seventh in the world for life expectancy, with an average of 84.27 years. This is behind Asian territories like Hong Kong, Macau and Japan, which rank second, third and fourth respectively.

My own conservative benchmark is the psalmist’s reference to the typical lifespan being “three score and ten” – in other words, 70. Consequently, living in my sixth decade somehow sharpens the focus on mortality, initiating a form of life “countdown”, if you will.

The past year also saw the passing of several friends and contemporaries, prompting one to have a quiet but deeper reflection on how seniors can meaningfully engage with mortality – with the goal of making peace with a human eventuality that is unavoidable.

Coping with mortality

The awareness of mortality is a universal human experience, but its impact varies depending on age, culture and individual circumstances. For seniors, the proximity to the end of life can evoke a range of emotions – from anxiety and sadness to acceptance and even gratitude.

Psychologists have long studied how individuals cope with the awareness of their own mortality, particularly through the lens of terror management theory. This posits that humans manage the anxiety associated with death by adhering to cultural worldviews, pursuing self-esteem and forming close relationships as coping mechanisms.

For seniors, this theory suggests that finding meaning in life – whether through relationships, legacy-building or spiritual practices – can mitigate the fear of death. A study published in the journal Psychology And Aging found that older adults who reported a strong sense of purpose in life were less likely to experience anxiety about death.

For many, the challenge in approaching mortality is in not knowing when one’s ultimate expiry date will come. Ironically, those who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness enjoy a bonus – a degree of certainty regarding their remaining time. This allows them the opportunity to pursue endeavours on their bucket list – creating new and happy memories for themselves, their family and friends before their departure.

Those who have managed to overcome a serious disease, cancer for example, often come away with a changed perspective on mortality and how to make the best use of their additional remaining time. A university friend who beat cancer twice decided to retire early to pursue his passion for playing pickleball – keeping healthy and focusing his energies on a sport that brings him pleasure and opportunities to interact with a community of fellow enthusiasts, both locally and from the region.

One powerful way to approach mortality meaningfully is through the process of life review. This involves reflecting on one’s experiences, achievements and relationships to create a coherent narrative of one’s life. This practice, often facilitated through journalling, storytelling or therapy, has been shown to promote psychological well-being and acceptance of mortality in older adults.

Recently, a former classmate journalled and shared the many significant and, at times, humorous experiences in his career. This made for an interesting read and a meaningful way of recording the variety of life encounters that have brought him joy, sadness, moments of amazement, disappointment and encouragement. In recording these experiences, it also reflects a life that is full and rich.

A study published in The Gerontologist found that seniors who engaged in structured life review exercises reported increased life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms. By revisiting and reframing experiences, individuals can integrate both positive and challenging moments into a cohesive story, fostering a sense of closure and accomplishment.

Cultivating a legacy

The late Erik Erikson, a Danish-German-Jewish psychoanalyst known for his theory on psychosocial development of human beings, identified generativity – the desire to contribute to future generations – as a central task of later life. For many seniors, the act of leaving a legacy, whether through mentoring, volunteering or creating something enduring, provides a profound sense of purpose and continuity.

Studies have shown that generativity is strongly associated with well-being in older adults. A longitudinal study published in The Journal Of Gerontology found that individuals who engaged in generative activities, such as caregiving or community service, reported higher levels of happiness and lower levels of loneliness. By focusing on how their lives can positively impact others, seniors can shift their perspective from the finite nature of life to the enduring influence of their contributions.

At the personal level, I have discovered the fulfilment and satisfaction that come from mentoring the younger generation and sharing with them life lessons (and mistakes), in the hope that they will avoid some of life’s trapdoors. As for the caregiving aspect, the opportunity to care for my grandchildren has been a source of joy and amazement that has brought much delight and a sense of purpose that I had not imagined or experienced in my pre-senior years.

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Spirituality and meaningful engagement

For many seniors, spirituality and existential reflection play a crucial role in navigating mortality. Whether through organised religion, meditation or personal contemplation, engaging with existential questions can provide comfort and clarity. Suffice to say that research indicates that spirituality is a significant predictor of well-being in older adults, particularly in the face of illness or loss.

A study published in The International Journal Of Aging And Human Development found that seniors who reported higher levels of spiritual engagement were more likely to experience a sense of peace and acceptance regarding death. This suggests that exploring one’s beliefs, values and sense of connection to someone or something greater than oneself can be a valuable tool for finding meaning in the face of mortality.

Some practical strategies can also help seniors approach this stage of life with intention and grace: Maintaining strong relationships is one of the most effective ways to combat loneliness and find meaning in later life. Research shows that social support is a key predictor of well-being in older adults. Seniors can prioritise spending time with loved ones, joining community groups or participating in intergenerational programmes.

A friend in her 80s demonstrates the value of this social engagement, though she lets on that at her vintage, one needs to be open to making new and younger friends as there is often an acute shortage of individuals in one’s own age group.

One other meaningful area of engagement for seniors is in volunteering. This provides a sense of purpose and connection to the community. A study published in The Journal Of Aging And Health found that seniors who volunteered regularly reported better physical and, more significantly, mental health outcomes.

A former colleague spent a year volunteering in a hospice after he retired. When asked if this was a depressing experience, he said that, on the contrary, the individuals he interacted with (over the few weeks before they passed on), helped shape his perspective on life and mortality – giving him a sense of the purposeful things to pursue in life, with mortality in mind. Put simply: having a purposeful perspective at the start, with a meaningful end in mind.

The Great Goodbye

Approaching mortality in one’s senior years is a deeply personal and multifaceted journey. By integrating psychological insights, spiritual reflection and practical strategies, seniors can transform the awareness of death into an opportunity for growth, connection and meaning. Whether through life review, legacy-building or mindfulness practices, the process of engaging with mortality can enrich the final chapters of life, leaving a lasting impact on both individuals and their communities.

As Singapore races towards becoming a super-aged country, we need to embrace open conversations about death and dying. This will enable seniors to live their later years with intention, purpose and grace.

As I continue to reflect on life, longevity and mortality, I am reminded of the saying: To live each day as though it’s your last.

Hopefully, when that day arrives, I will have prepared well for my departure.

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Jeffery Tan is the group general counsel of Jardine Cycle & Carriage, a member of the Jardine Matheson Group. He sits on several boards, including the charity Jardines Mindset, which focuses on mental health.