Silent Severance
Translated by Gemini app
Author: Hong Jiu (红酒)
Lianhe Zaobao
2026-08-20
Recently, a new term has become popular: "silent severance." No blocking, no arguing, no deleting, and not a single formal farewell—just a gradual avoidance of contact, fewer and fewer meetings, and ultimately remaining merely in each other's contacts list, withdrawing from the other person's life. This is different from simply being out of touch for a long time. Being out of touch is because life has taken each other in different directions, putting the relationship temporarily on pause; yet when meeting again years later, there are still endless topics to talk about and past memories to share. Silent severance, however, means one party has already cut ties psychologically, though without making it explicit on the surface. Recently, there have been a few such heartbreaking relationships around me.
A close friend of mine has only one son. He was sensible and obedient from a young age, achieved excellent academic results, and later went to the United States to pursue a PhD in artificial intelligence. She was proud of him all along and placed a mother's deepest affection and care on him. When her son got married and had children, she flew to the United States several times to help take care of them. Originally reuniting with love, living under the same roof instead brought continuous clashes over parenting concepts, living habits, and family boundaries. After repeated endurance and repeated misunderstandings, the son eventually asked her to return home early. Now, her son hardly reaches out unless there is an issue. There was no announcement of a rupture, nor any statement that they would no longer stay in touch, but from the sparse, brief replies and prolonged silences, she could already feel that her son had psychologically withdrawn from this relationship.
Having just retired, she originally thought she could enjoy family happiness, but what welcomed her was feeling completely at a loss. From her son's growth to establishing his own family and career, everything seemed perfect on the surface, yet mother and son gradually drifted apart. Silence may be a boundary for her son, but for the mother, it feels like a sentence passed without an official verdict.
Another friend's daughter rarely communicated with her parents from a young age. After starting work, she quietly moved out—no farewell, no response, and no explanation. Her parents tried to get closer several times to understand the reasons and mend the relationship, but all they received was still silence. They could only step back slowly, forever ignorant of what they had done wrong. Such pain is not just losing the companionship of a child, but being left behind with unresolved questions: at what point did they inadvertently hurt her?
I also have someone I always regarded as a sworn older brother. After decades of friendship, he suddenly became unwilling to meet again and stopped initiating contact. When I occasionally sent greetings, he would always politely conclude with "Thank you for your concern." Those few words were impeccably polite, yet they felt like a door being gently shut. There was no conflict to explain, no conclusion to redeem. I pondered repeatedly: which phrase did I say wrong, or which matter did I handle inappropriately?
The person who is passively phased out is often more bewildered than the one who actively steps away. The active party may have been disappointed for a long time, may have spoken up or dropped hints but felt it was useless, or perhaps had feelings they could not clearly articulate, thus choosing to distance themselves to end the emotional drain. However, the person left behind has not gone through that internal process of saying goodbye, leaving them overwhelmed by confusion, self-blame, and a sense of abandonment.
As people reach a certain age, they gradually come to understand that life is inherently composed of gatherings and partings. People come together due to blood ties, school days, colleagues, or marriage, and they also drift apart due to distance, personal growth, and scars. There is no banquet in the world that never ends!
Silent severance is not an ideal farewell, but it is a genuine form of departure in life. The regret is that there are no answers; the silver lining is that there was once companionship. If walking together is truly no longer possible, one can only swallow the unspoken words and transform love from a persistent longing for possession into a silent blessing. The door has already closed; there is no need to keep standing outside.
May we all continue living with our regrets and stay well in our respective lives.